You Need to Remove Your Wisdom Teeth

Dude, I just heard. You need to get your wisdom teeth out? Oh man oh man, that is the worst. What? All four? And two are impacted?? Seriously, of COURSE you’re complaining about it. You have every right! It is so going to be the worst thing you or anyone else in history has gone through since the Potato Famine.

Shut Up And Get Over It - Wisdom Teeth

Open wide and say “Doooooouche.”

Well, ok maybe there are things that hurt a tiny bit more. Like child birth. Or a migrane. Or, you know, like stepping on a fucking Lego. Odds are, you never even felt it. According to the AAOMS, most removals are done with little or no pain. You probably got a hefty dose of Novocain or laughing gas or even general anesthesia to ensure you won’t shed a single first-world butter-fat tear from your shitty face.

Hey, ever stop to think how incredibly fucking fortunate you are to even have access to this procedure, let alone painkillers strong enough to make it a minor inconvenience between your boredom-gorging sessions? Chew on this, you dickcurd: in Africa the ratio of dentists to people is 1:150,000. Imagine making a dentist appointment for your toothache right around the next Summer Olympics.

ChewSticks - Shut Up And Get Over It

African toothbrushes. No, fucker, not racist. Literally. Click the picture, prick.

Do you understand, do you FUCKING UNDERSTAND how miraculous having access to dentistry whenever the fuck you want it really is? As far as you should be concerned, if you have a dental plan, you’re in the fucking upper 1% no matter how many hacky-sacks you Occupied. You can get codeine. CODEINE for a tooth. “In Canada, your wisdom teeth can get more pain relief than a woman in West Africa suffering from breast cancer,” said someone with more perspective in life than you have fucks to give.

God, I hope Dr. StinkFinger fucks up in your mouth so hard that you shit your gums out for days. Shut up, just shut your stupid fucking face. If I could, I would buy you the best dental coverage that exists just so I could kick your teeth in the second you woke up every morning with an infected horse hoof.

Scary Tooth Fairy - Shut Up And Get Over It

Or at least have your mouth sexually assaulted by this.

Maybe, just maybe, see if you can put a smile on someone else’s face for once. Fucker.